The Uruha Jyushinshun Sketch
by Inspector Dim
Summary: Recca doesn't expect the Uruha Jyushinshun..... But then who does? Based on Monty Python's Inquation Sketch. Chapter three is up, finally.
1. Noone expects the Uruha Jyushinshun!

The Uruha Jyushinshun Sketch  
  
By P.D. Wright  
  
Disclaimer, disclaimer, where is my disclaimer?   
  
Where is the authority for this story? Not here, it is, not here.  
  
In a building, somewhere in the bustling metropolis of Tokyo, a boy was entertaining his  
  
girlfriend.   
  
Not in that way, you henteis.  
  
No, this boy was a spiky haired flame master by the name of Recca Hanabishi. He was creating  
  
shadows on the wall for his "princes", his hime, Yanagi Sakoshito, a cute, though sometimes  
  
infuriatingly nice and sweet natured girl. She also is possessed of a bizarre healing ability, which  
  
has made her the target of a ambitious tycoon, with more money to spare then scruples. The  
  
current figure on the wall is a group of fingers, stretching to the sky.  
  
"Ooh.. a bunny!" Yanagi squealed. Recca sweatdropped.  
  
"Umm.. Sure, Hime.. whatever you say.."  
  
"You mean that wasn't a bunny, Recca-kun?" she asked, her sickingly sweet voice tinged with  
  
tears.  
  
"No, no, I didn't say that..." Recca said, fumbling to get thru this landmine.  
  
An old man had appeared, stood gazing at the wall in concentration.  
  
"I wonder," He said, "Where she got a rabbit out of that..?"  
  
Recca turned, smacked him on the head. Just then, as if to relieve the tension, shadows appeared  
  
to move, towards a corner, finally resolving themselves into the shape of a dark-haired woman,  
  
who appeared twenty-something, yet was much older.   
  
Much older. Older then it is perhaps healthy to mention.  
  
"Recca," She said, finally gaining the young man's attention. He looked over there, frowned.  
  
"Mother...?" He said, for indeed, this woman was this sixteen year old's mother. I told you, she is  
  
far older then is safe to tell.   
  
"Recca, we have a problem," She said now. Recca tensed, Yanagi looked alarmed, and the old  
  
man glanced over.  
  
"What is it now, Kagero?" He asked. The woman, Kagero, or Kagehoushi if you like, looked at  
  
him a moment, said:  
  
"It's the Uruha."  
  
Recca looked deflated, he sighed, said:  
  
"Oh, like I didn't expect the Uruha.."  
  
As if on cue, the doors suddenly opened, and a group of not quite ten, more like six, burst in and  
  
stood there glaring at the youngsters. The man standing dead center, a tall man, with dark hair  
  
that resembled the woman and the boy, glared, his eye piercing out from a elaborate and white  
  
mask, his robe a sickly red. His arm, sporting bangles.  
  
"No-body expects the Uruha!" he yelled, as the others took up poses, supposed to be menacing,  
  
but looking nothing less then sentai poses stolen from tv.  
  
"Our weapons are surprise!" The man yelled. Recca rolled his eyes. Yanagi looked frightened.  
  
She was the only one.  
  
"And fear.." The others looked at the man suddenly, a long haired pretty boy in a ninja outfit, a  
  
red-haired woman, a tall man in an elaborate outfit that looked not out of place on a deck of  
  
cards, two younger girls, one with long pink-red hair, the other shorter blue hair. They shifted  
  
uneasily.  
  
"Umm.. Kurei-sama.." The pretty-boy ninja began. Kurei ignored him, and went on.  
  
"Our two weapons are fear and surprise," He yelled, then, "And ruthlessness.."  
  
He paused, glared at the ninja.  
  
"Amongst our weaponry.." Kurei glared at them again, as Yanagi slid behind Recca, he stood  
  
there with his arms folded, and Kagero leaned against the wall. He began again.  
  
"Amongst our weaponry, are such items as fear and surprise, and ruthlessness.."  
  
He paused, glaring some more.  
  
"Oh, sod it. I'll come in again." And he pushed the Uruha back out the door. Recca blinked.  
  
"Uhhh.. I didn't expect the Uruha Jyushinshun..." He said, hesitantly. Again the door burst open,  
  
and again Kurei and his band of usual suspects entered the room. He glared at them fearsly, said:  
  
"Noo-o-body expect the Uruha Jyushinshun! Our weapons are fear and surprise and ruthlessness  
  
and nice red uniforms... Kuso!!" He spat, his hand punching his other.   
  
"I'm sorry, I can't get this done... Raiha!"  
  
"Sir!," Said the pretty boy ninja.  
  
"I order you to do our intro."  
  
"Me, sir?"  
  
With that, Kurei bundled the hapless group of not-quite ten back out the door, the youngest girl,  
  
Aki, muttering some choice comments. Recca blinked again, staring hollow-eyed at the door. His  
  
mother coughed. He shook his head, said.  
  
"I didn't expect the Uruha Jyushinshun!"  
  
And with that, the group of not-ten burst back in, only this time the pretty boy Raiha was in the  
  
lead, his long purple hair flying in the commotion. He coughed, said:  
  
"Nobody expect the, ah, the.."  
  
"Uruha," Kurei whispered hoarsely from behind him.  
  
"I know, sir.. Nobody expects the Uruha Jyushinshun. In fact, those who do expect.."  
  
"Our chief weapon!" Kurei hissed.  
  
"Right. Our chief weapon is.. um.."  
  
"Fear.."  
  
"Fear, and.. um.."  
  
"Surprise.."  
  
"Fear and surprise.."  
  
Kurei suddenly leaped forward, pushing Raiha back.   
  
"Our chief weapon is surprise and fear and whatnot! Now, Recca, brother of mine," He allowed  
  
himself a evil grin, "How about a little game?"  
  
"Game?" Recca said.  
  
"Don't forget, Kurei," Kagero now said, "That the Hokage will always take you on."  
  
"Oh," Said Kurei mockingly, "Like I didn't expect the Hokage."  
  
And with that, another door opened, and a group of teenagers, the Hokage of the last statement,  
  
burst in, lead by a cute if fierce purple-haired girl in a green t-shirt and cut-offs. behind her, a large  
  
boy with a Mohawk, a younger boy with fangs and spiked hair, his wrist covered with  
  
handkerchiefs, and another boy, colder, ice eyes, and long girlish hair and face.  
  
"Nobody expects," The girl yelled, "The Hokage clan!"  
  
The room sweatdropped. Recca had his mouth open in shock.  
  
"What the hell is Fuuko doing.." he muttered. Yanagi clasped both hand under her chin and  
  
gasped.  
  
"Ooohh.. I didn't see that coming!" she squealed. Recca, and the room sweatdropped.  
  
Recca looked at his older brother warily. He sighed, said:  
  
"What are you doing here, Kurei?"  
  
"A challenge."  
  
"To what? Our sanity?"  
  
Kurei's cheek twitched. the two younger girls giggled slightly until the woman silenced them  
  
with a look.  
  
  
  
And this bit ends.  
  
Sorry so short. I couldn't come up with a of way of ending this.   
  
Based, as is obvious, on Monty Python's Spanish Inquisition sketch. Hoped you enjoyed it. If not,  
  
eh, take off, hosers.  
  
PDW 


	2. Shopping!

SHOPPING  
  
A Flame of Recca fanfic  
  
By P.D. Wright  
  
Nothing is owned. All is borrowed.  
  
Yanagi Sakashito sat on a bench, a nice warm, sunny day. She smiled benevolently, threw some  
  
bread crumbs toward some birds. The sun was high in the blue sky, a large round ball, lighting all  
  
from its kingly position.  
  
At this moment, Fuuko Kirisawa entered the scene, dragging a cart behind her.  
  
"Hello, Fuuko," Yanagi said, a little too sweetly.  
  
"Hello, Yanagi."  
  
"You've been shopping?"  
  
"No. I've been shopping."  
  
"So.." Yanagi paused, unsure of the line, "What did you get?"  
  
"A piston engine!" Fuuko said dramatically, indicating it, and sitting down beside Yanagi with a  
  
thud.  
  
"What'd you get that for?" Yanagi asked, incredulous.  
  
"It was a bargain."  
  
"Ohh."  
  
They stare at it for a moment. Then, Yanagi asked:  
  
"What are you going to do with it?"  
  
"Thought I'd cook it."  
  
"You don't cook a piston engine!"  
  
"Well, you can't eat it raw!"  
  
"Oh, right, I didn't think of that."  
  
They stare at it some more. Then, Fuuko said:  
  
"And how about you, then?"  
  
"Oh, dear, I didn't expect the Uruha Jinshinshun.."  
  
"Oh, no.." Fuuko groaned.  
  
At that moment, Kurei and the usual suspect jumped up from behind the bench, and Neon and  
  
her two sisters jumped in front of them, doing some silly heroic poises. Kurei yelled:  
  
"Noo-obody expects the Uruha Jinshinshun! Our weapons are fear and surprise and all that!"  
  
He smiles evilly from behind his mask, says:  
  
"Now then, Healing girl.."  
  
"Er.." Yanagi said, "I do have a name, you know!"  
  
"Yes. yes, but you do realize, that it's far too difficult for my father to remember.."  
  
Mori Korin, seated at his desk, the windows closed, the office shadowy.  
  
"Hey!!" He yelled.  
  
"Alright, enemies of the Uruha, you have been accused on three counts, enemies by words, by  
  
deeds, and by thought.." Kurei develops a tic, straightens himself. "Now!" He shouts unnessarily,  
  
"You will be broken by pain of torture.."  
  
Aki, Neon, and Miki do more poses as Kurei says (Shouts really) this. The rest watch this with  
  
sweatdrops falling of their heads. Fuuko looks up, asks:  
  
"What the hell are they doing?"  
  
Raiha, standing behind her, shrugged, leaned over, whispered in her ear (A blush appearing on  
  
both their cheeks):  
  
"Shh.. They've spent the last week watching sentei shows again."  
  
He swallowed sharply when he looked up and saw them glaring at him.  
  
"All right! No time to lose.." Kurei began.  
  
"No time to lose.." Raiha says, curious.  
  
"Yes. No time to lose!"  
  
"You know, Kurei-sama, I've been in your employ longer then I wish to remember" Raiha said,  
  
casting a meaningful look in the direction of the author of Raiha's Birth Certificate, who scuttles  
  
away giggling, "And I've never heard that phrase before.."  
  
"It's a perfectly ordinary figure of speech, Raiha," Kurei said, exasperation now showing in his  
  
voice.  
  
"Yes, yes, it's just.. I've never come across it before.."  
  
"Look!" Kurei yelled, "We must interrogate these subversives! No time to lose!"  
  
"Yes, sir, eventually."  
  
"What?" Kurei said, eyeing Raiha warily.  
  
"Well, eventually time will be lost.."  
  
"No, no.. You haven't got the hang of it yet.."   
  
"Er," Fuuko said, her patience with this sketch long ago depleted, "Do we have to be here for  
  
this or what?"  
  
"Right!" Kurei yelled, "No time to lose! Grab the prisoners, Raiha, Joker!"   
  
Which they proceed to do, as more sentei poses come from the Oto girls.  
  
"Right! We must make these subversives talk! But first.." Kurei said, "Joker, I meant the  
  
prisoners shoulders, if you don't mind.."  
  
We pull back and find that Joker perhaps took Kurei's command to grab the prisoners literally, as  
  
his hands are on Yanagi's chest. She reaches up, and pummels him, with a hearty cry of "Echi!!"  
  
"Now that," Neon said, smugly, "He had coming."  
  
Kurei chooses to ignore this interruption, and yells:  
  
"Right! Raiha! We must torture these subversives under pain of torture.."  
  
"You said that!" The onscrean characters all yell in unison.  
  
"Raiha!" Kurei yells, still ignoring the outburst, trying vainly to end this sketch, "Fetch... the soft  
  
cushions!"  
  
A gasp from the Uruha.  
  
"The soft cushion?" Asked Raiha.  
  
Joker: "The soft cushions?"  
  
Neon: "The soft cushions?"  
  
Aki: "Soft cushions?"  
  
Miki: "Eh?"  
  
The entire Dark Tournament: "The soft cushions??"  
  
The Kai group: "Not the soft cushions!"  
  
And this bit ends, much to the relief of the characters, the readers, and whoever else is out there. 


	3. SILLY!

**SILLY**

A Flame of Recca Fanfic.

No authorization was injured in the making of this fanfic.

Uzumaki Naruto stood in the middle of the room. He pulled two fingers up to his face, and yelled an incantation. The room was filled with smoke, and in his place, stood a playboy bunny type ladies. He lowered his hands, asked:

"What do you think?"

The group he was addressing this question to looked at him in amusement. This group was the Ku group. They sat behind a long table, mostly indulging this young boy, wearing amused grins and disinterested stares. Well, almost. One was looking at the playboy Bunnie image with frank slobbering. A cute girl, standing behind one of them, a bishonen with one eye hidden behind long hair, smacked him on the head, with a hearty, "Hentei, Fujimaru."

And the bishonen, and near everyone else, sweat dropped.

"Um, Mr. Uzumaki.." the bish, or Saicho, as he was known, began.

"Look!", said Naruto, anxious to prove himself, and not all that bright, "I can do other tricks!"

He then proceeded to do the multiple copies trick, and surrounded the Ku group. Copies of himself, I should add, and not the playboy Bunnie trick.

"Hmmm.." said the older, severely muscled bald man, "That trick would come in mighty handy."

Saicho sweat dropped, as did the other man present, a tall thin man, with a loony haircut, and another, a tall, round fellow. Fujimaru, meanwhile, mumbled.

"I can't ever get no fun..," and the girl smacked him again.

"Master Kukai..," said the thin man.

"I'm not serious, Daikoku," the bald man said.

And the peanut gallerie sighed.

"See! I can be a asset to your group!" Naruto yelled, pulling the copies back, and doing sentai poses. The Ku group sweat dropped again.

"I wish," said Minamio, the last person present here, "we could get thru one of these stories without someone doing that."

"This author," said the girl, who name happened to be Misora, "must think that kind of thing is funny."

"Well, I'm not laughing," muttered Daikoku.

"Hey! I'm trying to audition here!" yelled Naruto, pointing at the lot.

"We're sorry, Mr. Uzumaki, but team Ku has no need for ninjas," said Saicho, folding paper into a shape, and not doing it well. Naruto blinked.

"But.. I'm a Hokage! I'm as ninja as they come!"

"Well, go audition for them," suggested Kukai, picking at his nose, The other looked steadfastly at anything else. Naruto got red, and seemed poised to jump thru the wall.

"I did. They aren't hiring either!"

"Well, we're sorry, Mr. Uzumaki," said Saicho, smiling gently, and not at all sympathetically.

"They said I was from the wrong era, and the wrong series!"

"Thank you."

"I'm a Hokage! I don't need this!"

"Thank you," said Kukai.

"I'm on tv, and that's all that matters!"

"Thank you," said Saicho again.

"I'll be more popular then you losers could ever be!"

"Thank you," saicho said again, more forcefully.

Naruto gave a very impolite gesture, and proceeded to walk out the wall. Not the door, mind you, he walked straight thru the wall, leaving a naruto shaped hole in it. Misaro growled.

The Ku group talked among themselves, then saicho asked:

"So.. Is there anyone else for us to see?"

Misaro consulted her clipboard, pulled a sheet up, said:

"Yes.. There's the Uruha Jyushinshun"

"Huh," said Fujimaru lazily, "Didn't expect the Uruha.."

The others glared at him.

At that moment, on cue, the group of not-quite ten bust in, and the Oto girls started doing there sentai poses again. The Ku sweat dropped yet again.

"Twice in one story," Minamio muttered.

"Nobody expects," Kurei yelled, clenching his teeth, "The Uruha Jyushinshun!"

He paused, and glared at the assembled group some more.

"Our weapons are fear! That's all! Just fear!"

"What's Glen Danzig got to do with this?" asked Minamio, just before Daikoku smacked him upside the head, and said, "What about surprise?"

"Oh, all right! Surprise and fear!"

"And," said Fujimaru, "Ruthlessness.."

"Shut-up!"

"Alright! Enemies of the uruha! You have one last chance of ridding yourself of my scorn! Reject the sacrilege of the Hokage, and join us, two last chances, then you may live, and, three last chances, you have three last chances!"

The Ku blinked. finally, Saicho raised his hand, asked, "Uh, Kurei-san.. could you repeat that?"

And Saicho got a glare from everyone present.

A room far away, mercifully, from the last scene.

Mori Koran, his eyes looking in the exact opposite direction, walks into shot.

"Alright, stop it, that's silly. I've noticed a tendency for this story to get silly!"

The Ku group, still siting at their table.

"You only just noticed?" Daioku yelled, as the other glared into camera.

"Stop that!" Mori Koran yelled. This outburst succeeded in putting a little color into his face, and was thus not a bad thing.

"As I was saying.. Look, nobody likes a good laugh more then me. Well, except for that bastard son. And my wife. And that kid's assassin group. And the rival bunch. And that cute healing.. er, I mean, that damned healing girl."

The Hokage group.

They look sick. Recca puts an arm around Yanagi, who is looking less then healthy.

"But, that's not the point! Look, why can't this story have a nice descent scene in it, like some kind of Dragon ball Z thing?"

Freeza stands on the planet Namick. In front of him, are his red-shirt-type minions.

"Right, men! Camp it-up!" Freeza yells.

The men start marching in formation, saying in unison:

"My, goodness me, I am in a bad temper today all right, two three, damn, damn, two three, I am vexed an ratty, two three, hoping mad"

"Ohh, get her! Whoops! I've got you number ducky. You couldn't afford me, dear. Two, three. I'd scratch your eyes out. Don't come the SuperSayijin bit with us, dear, we know where you've been, you monkey fairy. Whoops, don't look now girls, the Ginyu just minced in with that dolly color Zarbon, two, three, oooh-hoo!"

Mori Koran suddenly pops up again.

"Alright stop that! It's silly!" he considers, "And rather suspect too."

And, mercifully, this bit ends here.

Hope you like. I've finally (somewhat) got over that writers block I had, and this is the result. Now, if it's worth getting over the block, I can't say.

3


End file.
